I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
