the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
