I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
