dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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