I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
