the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize