some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The power of my boobs compel you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A bitchslap is in order.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
