I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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