a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
