I think im going to throw up on grandma
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
