Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
