Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
