That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
