bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
