Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
