Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's blow job season.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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