Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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