we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
