We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
