I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
