if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
