I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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