Plan B is the new Plan A
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
