Sponge bath it is.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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