I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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