Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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