Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
