Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
