Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
