I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
