Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
