where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
