I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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