I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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