Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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