I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize