I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
