Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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