i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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