i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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