you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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