no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Never underestimate the power of titties
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
