Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
