you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
