had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
