You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
