Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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