Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
