My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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