So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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