everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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