Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
