fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
