You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
