My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
