he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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