I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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