my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
