There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
