This is not my ceiling
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
