Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
