two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
