I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Randomize
