Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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