In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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