Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
