i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
