i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize