Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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