Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
