He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
