Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
