You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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