Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
