so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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