I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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