Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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