Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
