yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
