We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
