he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
