it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
