well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
