i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
