you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
