So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
