dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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