He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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